Too late
by AmyJ10
Summary: When all is said and done and it's too late, how do you cope? How can you carry on? E/O **Epilogue**
1. Chapter 1

**Hey guys! This is my second storry, just a little thought I had late one night, please don't kill me! Hand's up who's excited for wildlife?! I cannot wait so this is just to tide you guys over, very angsty!! xx Please review let me know what you think! Part two is already written so let me know if you want it! xxx**

**Title:** Too late

**Charachters:** Elliot Stabler, Olivia Benson

**Warnings:** Character death *tissues at the ready*

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing...very bitter about it...but I own nothing all the same

Elliot slowly opened his eyes, his head was throbbing and the minor stab wound in his chest was to making it hard for him to breathe…his only thought was that it was real, it wasn't a dream. He was battered and bruised and locked in the back room of an old abandoned building. The building creaked, he didn't bother to look up as the rain began to pour down into the building through the holes in the ceiling. He couldn't look up, couldn't look down, he couldn't call for help as if he was in a state of shock. He couldn't do anything because it wasn't a dream, he wasn't alone. Lying next to him cuddled into his chest was his partner, she had stopped breathing a long time ago and he couldn't bear to move her. She was covered in her own blood, as was he. He still had his arms wrapped around her, once used to try and keep her warm. While he begged her to stay awake. It was pointless now, at that moment in time he didn't care if he even made it out of that building, if no one found him. She was dead, he'd held her in his arms as she took her final breath and now he held her limp body. He remembered her soft, breathless voice as she told him it wasn't his fault. She had clung to him, struggling not to cry, to protect him as he frantically tried to save her, promising her he was going to get her out alive. When the realisation came that he couldn't fulfil his promise he had cradled her in his arms as she closed her eyes for the final time. He looked down again at her pale face, almost like it was the first time he saw her he was overwhelmed by her beauty. He leant down and gently kissed her forehead. He couldn't let go of her, he should have lay her down and summoned the strength to get up and find help for himself but as he sat holding her he knew the second he let go it was real, she was gone, so he pulled her closer and held on as tightly as he could, as if just at that moment as he held her lifeless body as close as he could the realisation set in, she was gone and his sobs echoed through the empty building.

**So what did you think? Please review and let me know what you think, I love Liv very much but the idea popped into my head so I thought I'd give it a go! XxX**


	2. Chapter 2

**Okay so here we go, Chapter 2! Enjoy guys!! xx Thanks for all the comments, there will be the full scene leading up to Olivia being shot and Elliot struggling to save her in the next chapter!**

Elliot sat at his desk, his head was throbbing. Three months, today it had been three months since his partner died in his arms. She had held onto him so tightly as he tried to save her, he'd cradled her in his arms for hours after she had died. Just staring at her, refusing to accept that she was really gone. Eventually sobbing as he accepted that there was nothing anyone could do. He shook his head trying to get rid of the image in his head. Every night as he lay in bed struggling to sleep he'd hear her, struggling to breathe,

_"El...I'm cold..." _Would echo through his mind, he held her hand and kissed her softly on the forehead as she slipped away. He'd promised her that he was going to get her out, even told her he was going to do all of her paper work for a year if she'd just open her eyes. As he realised she was gone he slipped into shock and openly sobbed as he cradled her lifeless body for hours until Cragen and Fin burst through the doors. He couldn't remember much after that, it was a blur. The next thing he remembered was waking up, feeling a soft hand holding his and for one minute thinking it was all a dream, until he heard Kathy's gentle sobs.

_"Please wake up," she begged him as she held their youngest son in her arms and held his hand_. His recovery was painful. After being stabbed in his right arm he needed two months of physiotherapy, after just four weeks back at work he was already tired of it. It wasn't the same, and yet he found himself there more than he was at home, even when he was finished work he would hang around. Now at 1 am he was sat at his desk staring at the empty space in the desk across from him.

"Elliot," he looked up to see Cragen, he sat up and straitened himself out. "What are you doing here?" he asked softly sitting next to him,

"I just wanted to catch up on some paper work-"

"Do you have any left? You've been here every night for the past few weeks, you're supposed to be on light duty – that doesn't mean 20 hours a day." He told him, Elliot nodded. Again his gaze shifted to the empty chair across from him. Cragen turned and looked at the space.

"It gets easier," he told the younger man, Elliot looked up at him.

"Any news on Jackman?" he asked ignoring his CO's previous comment, Cragen shook his head.

"We've still got all airports and ports looking for him, he won't get away with this Elliot,"

"I know," Elliot looked up,

"I think that you should take some time off-"

"I've just got back, I'm fine." Elliot interrupted,

"Off this case at least, we all want to catch him Elliot but it's taking over your life-"

"Yeah, well he needs to be caught, he needs to pay for...for what he did." He couldn't say it, he couldn't utter the words that he'd been avoiding for so long. Cragen thought for a moment before looking Elliot,

"We all miss her..."

"You know what-" Elliot stood up "you're right I should go home," he slowly walked away. Don turned to the empty desk behind him, it had remained empty for three months. He sighed as he walked over to it. He rested his fingers on it. He still couldn't quite believe she was gone, everyone around them was just coming to terms with the loss, Fin was more determined to punish every perp, convinced that he should have caught Jackman before he'd killed Olivia. Munch was much quieter, he could see a deep sadness in his eyes, but the pair carried on and struggled through their grief. Elliot was inconsolable, constantly pushing himself to get every clue going to find the man responsible for the teams anguish. He wouldn't talk about it, or her, something that hurt his colleagues deeply, at the first mention of her name he would leave, or change the subject to Jackman, he wasn't sleeping or eating, and Don didn't know what to do. He shuddered as he remembered finding them, Elliot had been dipping in and out of consciousness, when he and Fin had tried to get near to Olivia he'd refused to let go of her.

_"She's fine...she's fine with me." Elliot mumbled as he tightened his grip on his friend.  
_

_"Elliot, we need to check she's okay you gotta let me see her,"  
_

_"You can't hurt her!" he yelled,  
_

_"Elliot, it's me, it's Fin," Fin put his hand gently on his arm, "You gotta let me check her, come on." He gently pried Olivia out of Elliot's arms and pulled her closer to him, Elliot began to openly __sob, something Cragen had never seen. "Oh no," Fin sat and pulled Liv closer to him he didn't even have to touch her, she was covered in blood and was so pale, he moved the hair that was covering her face. She was so cold. "Oh no, baby..." he gently kissed her on the head. Cragen looked at Fin unable to speak, He bent down next to Elliot and shook his emotions into place,  
_

_"We're gonna get you out of here Elliot," he looked behind him to see the medics running through as Elliot slipped out of consciousness again._

Elliot had given minimal details of what had happened. They had been chasing a known drug dealer who forced young children to smuggle drugs into and out of the country, and they'd been cornered by him and members of his team. Didn't know how to help, he didn't know how to make it all okay and he too was struggling with losing a woman he adored and respected. Without realising it she had held the team together and now they were falling apart.

_EOEOEOEOE_

_"El...I'm cold..." she sobbed as he pulled her closer to him, putting pressure on the wound.  
_

_"I'm gonna get you out of here I promise, you hear me. And you know what I'm gonna do your paperwork for a year, she struggled to smile. "This isn't it for us Liv, they're gonna find us. I'm not gonna let anything happen to you again okay? Nothing, as soon as we get out of here that's it, you – cotton wool. And you're gonna hate it but it's gonna keep you safe,"  
_

_"You..." she struggled to take a breath, "You don't have to...do this...I know, it's not...looking good."  
_

_"I'm gonna get you out of here if it's the last thing I do," as he spoke her eyes became heavy and she began to close them, "No, no, no Liv, come on." He gently shook her until she opened her eyes. " Tell me something, anything...tell me something you've never told anyone else?" _

The words swam around in his head, the second there was silence her gasps and whimpers came back to him, he couldn't get her out of his head. He had managed to keep her awake for at least another hour before she finally left him. He refused to think of that last hour when he had openly cried with her and begged her not to leave him. He had to focus, Jackman wouldn't get away with it, there was no way in hell. Elliot swore that he wouldn't stop until he got him, but this time it was different, he wasn't going to arrest him, or beat him. He was going to kill the man who killed Olivia Benson.

**So what do you think? Please review! xxxx**


	3. Chapter 3

Elliot huffed as he ran after Jackman, he and Olivia had split up and had called for backup to no avail as Jackman kept running from place to place, he was pretty sure he had heard Olivia call for backup. He watched as Jackman ran into an old building, Elliot knew there was only one way out – they had caught him. He saw Olivia run into the building form the other side obviously thinking the same thing, he was still quite far away so he picked up his pace and ran.

Olivia stood still as she heard a loud noise behind her, she turned but saw nothing. Gun in hand she was anxiously looking for Jackman,  
"Give it up Jackman, there's only one way out and we've got it covered." She lied, she thought she'd heard Elliot call it in so she knew back up would be with them soon. She suddenly looked up as she saw a shadow of a man, "Jackman, put your hands in the air!" she yelled, the arms of the man went up. She couldn't put her finger on what was different but she knew something was, as he got closer to her she froze momentarily as she realised the man was not Jackman, she held her gun up to the man walking towards her.

"Miss Benson?" she turned as she heard her name and was immediately struck a powerful blow to the side of her face, she fell to the ground sending her gun meters away from her grasp. As she struggled to get her bearings she saw the other man walking towards her as well as Jackman who had delivered the blow. She mentally kicked herself for walking into the trap as she was roughly pulled up by Jackman, her cheek was throbbing she could feel blood escaping from her mouth. Jackman pulled her close to him, he wrapped his hand around her throat as he whispered in her ear."I'll be gentle with you Detective," he smiled.

"Let her go!" Elliot slowly walked in pointing his gun at the man who was holding his partner hostage,

"Detective Stabler – isn't this cosy?" Jackman smiled, "Put down your gun," he said as he turned Olivia so that she faced Elliot and wrapped his arm around her neck whilst holding the gun to her head. The other man had already pulled his gun and had it trained on Elliot, Olivia shook her head letting Elliot know that she didn't want him to put his gun down, Elliot held his gun in its place. "It could turn into a blood bath and actually it would be just you two that gets hurt, I'll shoot her, he'll shoot you, you'll probably shoot her too." He laughed,

"Let her go," Elliot still held his gun aimed at him, "You can walk out of here now if you just let her go,"

"Where would the fun be in that Elliot? Can I call you Elliot? Listen, you put your gun down I'll let her go, you don't put your gun down I'm going to shoot your lovely partner in the head." He gently kissed her on the side of her face, Elliot saw her struggle to keep her composure, "I'm disappointed you didn't show up a little later," he grinned at Elliot, "We were just about to get to know each other weren't we?" he kissed her again, lingering as he pulled away to see Elliot's reaction. Olivia bit her lip and closed her eyes, she knew he just wanted a reaction and she wasn't going to give it to him. "You ever look at her and wonder what she's like Elliot?" he asked, Elliot looked at him.

"What?"

"You don't look at her and wonder how it would feel to take her? You're a red blooded man of course you have, I'll tell you what if you let me go first-"

"Shut your mouth you sick son of a bitch!" Elliot was shaking as he aimed his gun at the man,

"El-" she tried to calm him down,

"Hit a nerve?" he asked, Elliot looked at Olivia, he tightened his grip around her throat. "You need to control that anger ...El," he smiled, "I'm getting bored of this," he took the safety off the gun, "Put the gun down Elliot, or i am going to shoot her." Olivia struggled to breathe as Jackman's grip intensified. "One..."

"Don't-" Olivia gasped,

"Two..."

"Elliot shoot him-"

"Three! Four –" Olivia braced herself, terrified for the shot that was about to come,

"Don't!" Elliot yelled, he thought that Jackman might back out, until he remembered how sadistic he was. How his victims had suffered, how he'd laughed as he'd hurt them. Elliot put his gun on the floor, Jackman released his tight grip on Olivia's throat but still held her in place. The second man remained silent with his gun trained on Elliot,

"Good boy Elliot, smart move." He put his hand in Olivia's pocket and took out her phone and radio, putting them in his pocket. He pushed Olivia away from him towards Elliot, he looked at her to check she was okay. "Phone" Jackman demanded, Elliot took his phone out of his pocket and threw it to the ground, "Radio." He did the same.

"You're not getting out of here alive, give yourself up now-" Olivia told him, until now she had let Elliot take the lead, knowing that one wrong move could result in a gun battle, and that both she and Elliot would be iunjured if not killed.

"You know it's funny I didn't hear and sirens out there so I'm assuming there's no one else out there?" he asked, Elliot and Olivia shared a glance. "Oh tell me something, how is little Abby?" he smiled, knowing the reaction he would get from Elliot,

"You're sick." Olivia told him,

"She was uh, she was very scared, kept calling for her mommy..." he grinned at Elliot, knowing the man would boil up thinking of the little girl and her rather untimely death.

"Shut up," Elliot told him between gritted teeth.

"I told her if she stayed still I'd take her home to her mom, the pictures came out really well-" Elliot ran forwards towards Jackman only to be roughly stopped by the silent man next to him, he felt a sharp pain in his shoulder and looked down to see blood. He raised his hand to his shoulder and looked up to see the second man holding a knife, unsure of where it had come from.

"Elliot!" Olivia ran forwards, she got on her knees as Elliot's hand became covered in blood,"you're gonna be okay," she whispered, hands on his chest. He looked at her

"It's minor it's okay," he grimaced as she helped him up, Jackman looked at the interaction between the two.

"You two really are quite cute, now tell me El, what's she like in the sack?" he laughed, Elliot knew he had to try and gain control of the situation, he had to un-nerve Jackman, but how? The pain in his shoulder intensified he knew it wasn't life threatening,

"We spoke to your mom," Elliot said angrily through the pain, Jackman looked up at him for the first time obviously phased. "She said you make her sick,"

"Shut up,"

"She didn't understand how her little boy could turn into monster, her words not mine. You know she's not expected to live past Christmas, that's what? 4 months?"

"I said shut up!" Jackman yelled,

"She said as far as she's concerned she has to no son, she said she has four months left to forget you ever existed, I wouldn't bother going to the funeral if I was you." Olivia noticed Jackman's arm shaking,

"Elliot-"

"Tell me Elliot, you two seem close, when one of you get's hurt does the other one feel pain?" Jackman asked slowly, Elliot looked up at him. His heart stopped as he saw him raise his arm, he didn't even have time to move before he knew it the shot had been fired. Elliot watched the shock in her eyes as the bullet hit, she looked at him with complete horror as she raised her hands to her stomach, they were quickly smothered in blood. He struggled to run forward to catch her as she fell but was immidiately pushed to the ground by Jackman's henchman who started kicking him whilst he lay on the ground, when he eventually stopped and moved away Elliot clambered over to where Olivia was lying struggling to breathe,

"No, no, no, no, Liv, No Liv, please," he pulled her towards him and placed his hands over her wound as complete and utter terror filled his heart, he could feel broken bones in his body but he didn't care.

"How does it feel Elliot?" Jackman asked the gun still pointed at him, "You couldn't keep your mouth shut?" he picked up the phones and radios on the floor and edged towards the door, Elliot couldn't contain his panic as he held his partner tightly, she was gasping for breath,

"I'm sorry...I'm sorry, Liv, I'm sorry." He told her again and again, he didn't even realise Jackman and the other man had left until he heard a loud slam of the door,

"El..." she gasped,

"You're okay, it's okay, I'm gonna get us out of here." He pulled her close out of bare desperation, his hands over hers as he struggled to contain her blood loss. "You're gonna be fine," He heard the door lock behind him.

**The second part of what actually happened is set to be a tear jerker, just El and Liv alone no bad guys nothing,xxxxx hope you enjoyed this bit sorry if it seems a little rushed, really want to get to the next bit!! he he xx Thank you so much for commenting on this story it really really helps xxxx**


	4. Chapter 4

**Prepare yourselves, this is going to be a sad one! Tissues at the ready! XxX**

EO

Elliot angrily beat his fists against the locked door as he gave up trying to get out, he looked down at the blood covering his shirt, some his, more Olivia's. He walked back to where his partner was slumped against a wall, he sat next to her and pulled her closer to him,

"It's not going to budge," he told her trying to stay calm for her sake, he pressed down on her wound, which was now covered with his jacket, the blood was coming through. "How you doin' Liv?" he asked, she looked up at him, the colour had drained from her face, "You doing okay?" he asked softly, she nodded. "You know this is gonna be fine?" he asked her again she nodded, "Talk to me Liv,"

"I know..." she gasped as pain shot through her body, he felt so helpless. He gently pulled her closer to him,

"Backup is going to be here soon, they'll find us, and we'll get you to the hospital. Okay?" he asked, she nodded again, "Come on I need you to talk to me Liv,"

"Okay, okay..." she looked up at him, "When did you call...for back up?" she asked him, he looked down at her trying not to show his concern, his heart dropped as he realised that there was no one coming for them. "El..."

"Uh, they'll be here soon." He told her, her eyes began to close, "Liv, you can't close your eyes."

"I'm tired," she mumbled, he shook her slightly to wake her up.

"No, no come on." He sat her up gently and held her close to him, "Liv, you gotta stay awake come on. You uh, you don't want me to get all moody on you do you?"

"It hurts..." she mumbled again, Elliot looked as her hands shook. He could see she was really struggling to stay awake,

"I know it hurts," he told her, "I know but look, I need you to keep me awake too – I'm bleeding too,"

"What?" she looked up confused, a look of recognition swept across her face as she remembered he had been stabbed. Elliot knew he was fine for now, he had lost a fair but of blood but he wasn't feeling the effects, but he also knew Olivia would do anything in her power to keep him safe. Guilt engulfed him as he thought of his partner's desire to protect him, this was his fault. Why did he taunt Jackman about his mother? "Are you okay?" she asked softly, he looked down at her. All the colour had drained from her face, he couldn't believe she was asking him if he was okay,

"As long as you stay with me I'm gonna be fine okay," he told her, she nodded. "I'm gonna get you out of here Liv,"

"I...I know." She told him, he had gently pulled her closer so she was sat cuddled into him, "You...you didn't call for backup did..." she couldn't finish the sentence as another wave of pain rushed through her body, she whimpered as she struggled not to cry out. He grabbed her hand,

"Liv..." he couldn't take watching her in so much pain, "They're coming for us, they're going to save us," he couldn't bear to tell her that they were stuck there, "Come on,"

"I'm tired," she closed her eyes again, again he shook her slightly.

"Olivia! Wake up! Now is not the time to be sleeping," he shouted, hoping she would react. "Please," he barely whispered, she opened her eyes.

"You know...this isn't your...your fault." She told him, he looked at her, "I know you..." she mumbled,

"I uh, I should've kept my mouth shut." He told her, she gave a dozy smile.

"Never gonna happen," she tightened her grip on his hand, again he looked at her. "I don't want you to feel...guilty." she told him, "You...did nothing wrong,"

"Liv-"

"Promise me," she told him, she again tightened her grip on his hand. He looked at her, even when she was in s much pain she was thinking about him, "Do I have to...bring up the Baker...incident?" she asked him struggling to smile, Elliot smiled as he remembered the Baker family, whilst on a case the wife of a very wealthy banker, Elisa Baker had come onto Elliot rather forcefully, when Olivia had re-entered the room she had left only moments before Mrs Baker was stood in her underwear while Elliot stood shell shocked.

"Hey, come on we said we wouldn't mention that," he told her softly,

"Then promise me...." she told him, he nodded.

"You can uh, you can tell me this when we get out of here-"

"El...come on...just do it." She asked him momentarily closing her eyes, quickly remembering her promise to Elliot to stay awake.

"I promise," he said softly,

"Mmm," she bit her lip as she struggled to deal with the pain, "El..." she called him, "Hold me," she told him, he nodded. He had never been so scared in his life, he gently manoeuvred him and her so that she was lying in between his legs, he was holding her up, "Thank you." She told him, tears formed in her eyes and she again but her lip. "No one's coming are they?" she asked softly, Elliot closed his eyes and shook his head. A single tear slipped down her cheek. "Then, hold me...talk to me..." she looked at him, "And keep your promise." She gave a weak smile, she was silent for a few moments before admitting "I'm scared..." her bottom lip quivered and again tears fell,

"Liv, I'm gonna get you out of here..." he almost couldn't speak as the lump in his throat threatened to stop him, "You're gonna be fine," he whispered,

"You said...Eli took his first step..." she told him, "Tell me about it," she asked. He looked at her and began to speak.

After an hour of speaking about all the developments with the kids Elliot looked down at his partner who was now cuddling into his chest, the shaking had stopped. He knew it was a bad sign, she was going into shock, he was amazed she had held on for so long. Trying to laugh as Elliot told her of Lizzie's new boyfriend and how insecure it made him feel, he had no idea why he told her so much. As if any bit of information would keep her awake. She very slowly closed her eyes,

"No, Liv, I need you to stay awake." He told her, she opened her eyes yet again. "Good, good girl, please just stay with me," he kissed her gently on the top of her head,

"El...I'm cold..." she mumbled as he pulled her closer to him, putting pressure on the wound.

"I'm gonna get you out of here I promise, you hear me. And you know what I'm gonna do your paperwork for a year," she struggled to smile. "This isn't it for us Liv, they're gonna find us. I'm not gonna let anything happen to you again okay? Nothing, as soon as we get out of here that's it, you – cotton wool. And you're gonna hate it but it's gonna keep you safe,"

"You..." she struggled to take a breath, "You don't have to...do this...I know, it's not...looking good."

"I'm gonna get you out of here if it's the last thing I do," as he spoke her eyes became heavy and she began to close them, "No, no, no Liv, come on." He gently shook her until she opened her eyes. " Tell me something, anything...tell me something you've never told anyone else?"

"What?" she asked, opening her eyes.

"Anything, just tell me anything no one else knows? Something you've never admitted to anyone?" he asked, her head was swimming. She was struggling to stay awake, her body was numb. She looked up at him and smiled, "Come on there has to be something," he was almost desperate. She couldn't think strait; she could feel herself slipping out of consciousness. She wished she could tell him that although she was terrified, she always hoped that he would be with her when she died. She knew he would punish himself, but she was in his arms. He was cradling her so close to him that she could feel his heartbeat, still scared but comforted that she was with him, the one person who was always there for her, "Anything?" he asked desperately, he couldn't let her slip away. He heard her gently mumble,

"I...love you." He looked down at her, her eyes were closed.

"What? Liv, Liv you gotta open your eyes, please, God please don't do this," he shook her, not as gently as before. He couldn't do this, he would not watch her die. She was going to be fine. "Please, please wake up," tears slipped down his cheeks. "Olivia God Dammit, don't leave me!" he clung to her, "Don't leave me, don't do this, please." He pulled her away from his chest, there was no sign of life, she was so pale. He couldn't contain his grief as he realised she had slipped away, "No, no, no, no" he rocked back and forth pulling her lifeless body close to him, "Liv, no, I need you. I need you," he sobbed as he cradled her. Only moments later his own blood loss took over and he closed his eyes, praying that when he woke up they would both be safe.

**Sooooo....what did you think? It was very important to have Liv's confession as an accidental thing as she's slipping out of consciousness, makes it even sadder I think? XxXxX**


	5. Chapter 5

**Thank you so much to everyone who has reviewed, this is the last chapter! I hope you've enjoyed it. Am starting a new fic called "Consequences," check it out! XxX**

Kathy lay in bed wide awake, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath as her husband shifted in his sleep yet again. For months now he hadn't had a single night's sleep without the nightmares, which meant she hadn't had a good night's sleep either. She couldn't imagine the pain he was feeling. She knew Elliot had always been faithful to her, but he also know the bond he and Olivia shared was beyond anything she would ever be able to understand.

"No...Liv..." she turned to her husband as he yet again cried out for his partner, her heart sank a little. She gently placed a hand on his arm,

"Elliot," she called softly, he woke suddenly, "You okay?" she asked, he didn't move. She struggled not to cry as he turned away from her, "I...I'm here if you need me," she said softly,

"I know," he replied gently, she quickly wiped her eyes as the first tears fell. She didn't know how to make it okay, she couldn't bring Olivia back. She was racked with guilt for all the times she had prayed that something would happen to end the partnership her husband shared with the woman Kathy so desperately wished wasn't gone. Not this, she didn't want this. She remembered a blazing row she had had with Elliot where she had yelled at him,

"She's dead Elliot! You're not! You 're acting like you died with her!" he hadn't spoken to her for days after that. She wiped her eyes as more tears fell; Elliot shifted and turned to look at her. He sat up and gently pulled her close to him,

"I'm so sorry baby," she cried, he silently held her. He knew that it was hard for her, he had tried to shake himself out of the state he was in but he just couldn't. He knew he was hurting his wife, she was being so patient with him, if his heart wasn't already in shreds it would have sunk a little further as he held his sobbing wife.

***

He sat at his desk yet again staring at the empty desk in front of him; he knew eventually someone would be sat there but not yet. He wished he could have casually explained this to the rookie who just a few days earlier had sat there. He'd never seen a man fly so high, let alone thrown one that high. Sure he'd been disciplined but he wasn't ready yet, no one could sit there until he was ready. He was pretty sure everyone had got the message loud and clear, and the kid wasn't hurt too badly, He'd get over it. He looked up as Cragen walked towards him,

"Elliot, I think we've got him." Before he could finish his sentence Elliot was on his feet. "Listen, I need you to assure me that you're going to act professionally, I'm not taking you-"

"Cap, I need to do this. I need to be the one to do this. I need this," he told his CO, Cragen nodded.

***

Elliot slowly followed the armed officers into the abandoned warehouse; his heart was thumping so loudly he was sure it would give his position away. He held his gun tightly; this was going to end it. Once and for all, he would avenge her and maybe he would start to recover himself. He'd promised Cragen he would be professional, he knew that he had to be careful to shoot at the right time, imply that it was self defence, hell maybe the guy would attack anyway and Elliot would actually have to shoot him in self defence. He'd planned this for months, dreamt about how sweet it would feel to kill the man who had ripped his partner away from him. He looked up as he heard a movement across from him, as the officers split up Elliot followed the sound he'd heard. He walked closer and closer until he froze, there sat alone counting money was Jackman, rage filled Elliot's heart. He walked further into the room and shut the door, Jackman froze as he saw the gun pointing at him.

"Detective Stabler, how are you?" he stood up, Elliot could see he had no weapons. They heard commotion outside the room as the other officers rounded up Jackman's minions. "So the game's finally up?" he almost accepted defeat, "I knew you'd be the one to arrest me,"

"I'm not going to arrest you," he walked closer, Jackman looked up at him, with a look of confusion. He pointed the gun towards his head,

"You're...you're here to kill me?" he asked, Elliot started hard at him. "You're really willing to lose your job-"

"You scared Jackman?" he asked, Jackman gulped and shook his head. "You look scared," Elliot took the safety off the gun, "You killed her," he said through gritted teeth,

"Detective Benson-"

"Don't you mention her name – don't you dare!" he yelled, at that moment Cragen ran through the door.

"Okay good work Elliot – Jackman you're coming with us," as he stepped forwards Elliot pointed the gun at him,

"Get out," he told his CO, Cragen looked at him. He knew exactly what Elliot had planned,

"Elliot, don't do this-"

"I think you should listen to him Elliot-" Jackman interrupted,

"Shut up! You killed her! You left her to die!" Elliot yelled, a sinister look spread across Jackman's face.

"You loved her?" he laughed, "How tragic, the woman you love dying in your arms, did she cry Elliot? Beg you to save her?" Elliot tightened his grip on the gun, "I bet you think about it every time you close your eyes, hear her calling your name? That's never going to go away, even after you've killed me because you couldn't save her." Elliot's hand was shaking as he struggled to pull the trigger,

"You do this and you are no better than him, Elliot, give me the gun," Cragen told him,

"He has to pay-"

"In prison, he will never get out Elliot, never..." Cragen thought for a moment before speaking, "Elliot, Olivia would never let you do this." He spoke softly. Elliot suddenly thought of what Olivia would say, he knew exactly what she would do, hit him for even thinking about it. Within moments Elliot dropped his arm. Cragen ran forwards and cuffed Jackman,

"It's never going to go away Stabler! She's always going to be in your head – begging you to help!" Jackman yelled as he was pulled out of the room by Cragen. Elliot stood frozen.

**

Cragen walked back into the room where he had left Elliot, he didn't no whether to hit him, hug him or arrest him. He didn't have the chance to do either Elliot Stabler was gone.

**

The rain poured down relentlessly, Elliot didn't know how he'd gotten here. Only that there was nowhere else he would go. As he looked down and the stone in front of him, he felt the same numb feeling he had for months,

"I can't do this anymore," he announced, "You hear me Liv?" he looked down at the fresh flowers that lay on her grave. The headstone read, "_Olivia Benson – A Hero" _those were the words that always stuck out to him, no matter how many times he read them they always had the same effect. "I can't do this without you, it's...it's too hard." He shook his head, "Everyone keeps telling me it'll get better, I don't want it to. I don't want to feel okay about the fact that you're gone," he knelt down at her grave. "But I can- I can't keep...I can't breathe without you." Tears filled his eyes "You know I wake up in the morning and for a second – just a second I forget that you're gone. And then I remember and it's like I'm losing you all over again," he broke down, months of pent up aggression and grief seemed to pour out of him. As he sank to him knees he felt the last part of his heart break, even at the funeral it hadn't hurt this much. He cried for what seemed like hours, he was drenched. He sat soaked, next to his partner. He slowly began to speak again, "I don't know how to make it right anymore? I don't know how to accept that you're..." he took a deep breath, "You're not coming back. You're gone." He whispered, trying to convince himself once and for all. He placed his hand on the stone as he stood up, after a lingering touch he walked away slowly.

**So what did you think? Hope you've enjoyed it! XxX Check out "Consequences" Thanks again! X**


	6. Chapter 6

**OKay I thought this was finished but then this little chapter came to me X**

He sat at his desk, struggling to concentrate as his new partner babbled incessantly in his ear,

"So what do you think?" the young girl asked softly.

Elliot looked up, "Uh..."

"You weren't listening were you?" she sighed. Charlotte Jones was bright eyed and bushy tailed – always. She was 25, graduated top of her class and talked as if her life depended on it. Her shoulder length brown hair was reminded him of Olivia, her blue eyes often sparkled when she spoke about bringing perps to justice.

"I'm sorry, say it again," he asked softly.

She rolled her eyes walking closer to him.

"I said that if we can get Tina Malone to make a statement that could be the foundation for the whole case again Thomson, so we should go-"

"Charlotte-" he started, the young girl was so passionate about protecting victims.

"Charlie," she corrected him, "How long is it going to take huh?" she gave him a teasing smile, "Uh, everything okay?" she asked softly, Elliot Stabler was never this quiet, she'd been with him only a few months, and he was as great as she imagined if not a little grumpy at times. She knew that she was the same age as his youngest daughter and figured he struggled with treating her as an adult. It didn't bother her, she loved her job.

"I uh, I'm going to take an early lunch, when I get back we'll go to Thompson's okay?" he asked,

"I could go while-"

"I don't want you to go without me,"

"Stabler, I know that you think I can't do anything on my own, but I can, nothing's going to happen to me okay I'm bulletproof!" she almost laughed, her smile faded as his face dropped.

"You're not invincible, the sooner you understand that the better," he walked out leaving her stunned, she'd never been on the receiving end of that tone before.

"What the hell is his problem?!" she threw her hands in the air as she sat back into her chair.

"You just picked the wrong words kid-"

"I'm not a kid Fin, and what do you mean the wrong words?" she asked, trying to hide her frown.

"A year ago his partner of 10 years was shot dead, she died in his arms," he didn't need to say anything else.

Guilt overwhelmed Charlie as she mentally kicked herself, _bulletproof, _what an idiot. "I didn't know," she mumbled, that's why he's so over protective? I thought it was because I was young-"

"It's probably a mix of the two, Elliot's a good man, it took him a long time to agree to having a new partner and I think you're just a little bit...more talkative than he's used to."

"His partner...what was she like...you guys never mention her," she was confused, she figured that Elliot's old partner had simply left, no one mentioned a death.

"It hit us all pretty hard, Liv was...Liv was great," a tinge of sadness, in his voice.

Charlie nodded, Fin obviously wasn't ready to talk about the woman who she had replaced.

"I'm sorry Fin," she told him, giving him a sympathetic look. "I didn't know, I uh, I'll be more careful."

**

It had been two hours since Fin had informed Charlie that Elliot had held his partner in his arms as she died. As they sat in the car on the way to pick up a perp she cleared her throat for the third time.

"Something you wanna say?" he asked, still agitated by her lack of concern for her own safety.

"Uh, Fin told me about your partner, Olivia," she saw him flinch at the mention of his ex partner's name. "If I had known I would never have said anything-"

"You didn't know, don't worry about it."

"It must have been...it must have been awful," she whispered, struggling not to sound like a little girl.

"I don't want to talk about it,"

"Yeah, I got that, you uh, you never mention her, considering she was your partner for 10 years I thought-"

"Charlotte! I don't want to talk about Olivia okay?" he slammed his foot down on the breaks, grateful that there was no one behind him.

She didn't say a word.

He started the car again and they drove in silence.

**

He had to apologise, that much he knew. The poor kid had only been asking a few questions and he nearly bit her head off. He shook his head, he needed to stop thinking about her as a kid, yes she was the same age as his daughter but she was very mature, she was also a damn good police officer.

She was in the locker room, he could see her sat alone on the bench, for the first time ever she looked upset.

"Charlie..." he walked in slowly.

She looked up, "Elliot, hi." She stood up, "Listen I'm-"

"I'm sorry," he got there first, "I didn't mean to snap at you, I uh, I find it easier not to talk about her," he admitted.

She nodded.

"She was, amazing, she was the best and I uh, I miss her every day," he had no idea why he was being so honest, but he knew it was the right thing to do.

"I'm sorry..." she looked like she was in deep thought, "Uh, it's not the same thing but...my mom was shot, I uh, I held her in my arms while she died," she tried to hide the sadness in her voice, "So uh, I understand – kind off, it's different."

"I'm sorry," Elliot told her sympathetically, moving closer to her.

"I guess you'll find out sooner or later, my dad...shot my mom," she waited for his eyebrows to raise, instead his expression didn't change.

"That's why you got into SVU?" he asked.

She nodded, "I wanted to help people, so uh, so that's why you carry on right? For Olivia?"

"She would've kicked my ass if I stopped, I wanted to, but uh, I'm glad i didn't."

"It gets easier," she told him, obviously uncomfortable talking about her own situation.

"You know, you remind me of someone," he smiled.

She looked up at him,

"Was she beautiful too?" she joked, trying to ease the sadness.

"She was uh, she was beautiful and compassionate, and she was a damn good cop."

His words echoed through her mind as she felt like she finally understood her partner.

**

Elliot sat in the graveyard, he simply stared at Olivia's headstone.

"She uh, she's a pain, she talks too much and she's way to enthusiastic sometimes, but she's uh, she's a good cop, she kind of reminds me of you when you started," he told her, "I miss you Liv, still, and this kid she just reminds me how much, I don't want you to think I've forgotten you, I would never be able to it's just...sometimes it's easier to try and forget." He admitted, feeling stupid for talking to a piece of stone. "I uh, I can't believe it's been a year, a year today since I lost you," he sighed, "You uh, you changed me, loosing you changed me, I'm a better person for knowing you Liv, you made me a better person. I miss you, I'll never stop missing you uh, I promise to drop by more, I'll need somewhere quiet now that I have Charlie to contend with, I uh, I'll be back soon, I promise." He gently touched the stone as he walked away, knowing that he had finally faced his demons, and that she was still with him.

**Please review! Xx**


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